This guy really hates the Gators

Sports is one of the few arenas in which outright, irrational hatred is acceptable. Like all righteous people, I fucking hate the New York Yankees. But it would not be a good idea for a New York publication to hire me (if they could pry me out of the basement) to rant repetitively about the Yankees. Yet Folio Weekly allows A.G Gancarski  to vent his contempt for the Florida Gators football team on a regular basis, to a market that has more Gator fans than any other place on the planet. His latest rant came before the Florida-Georgia game but after UF lost three straight, which made him happier than me seeing Littlepage’s Jimmy Ray Bob column. Except A.G. can’t get anything entertaining or even coherent out of it. It’s not online, and I’m sure as hell not typing it all, so you’ll have to trust that I’m treating A.G. fairly. You do trust me, right? Excellent.

There is a cyclical nature to athletic endeavor.
A sort of philosophical start. Above it all. Curious about the arguments for the cyclical bit, but OK.
The hottest kicker or three-point shooter knows that his luck will swing treacherously, reverse and ultimately consume him and the hubris he couldn’t help but develop.
Hold on. This is your best example of an athlete at the mercy of luck? NFL kickers make something like 85 percent of their field goal attempts, and shooters are far less prone to bad hops or botched calls than golfers or pitchers. But you’re the sports expert -- continue.
Luck comes and goes, and the tragedy of being in the arena -- athletic, political or otherwise -- is that we rarely get to leave the table on our own terms.
It’s tragic being in the arena? My time in the athletic arena was exhiliarating. Ended too soon, but it was fun. Later there’s a bit about how Gator coach Urban Meyer should have left on top rather than preside “during a certain decline.” I’m going to assume this means AntiGator Gancarski is predicting UF will fall into a Zook-like lost period starting now.
Every loss opens new and terrible questions for those frontruners who thought UF was immune to having losing streaks against mundane teams.
There are lots of irrational Gator fans, but the rational ones knew this year was iffy. The SEC is a snakepit, kind of like the columnists’ room at Folio. I hear Hal Crowther will eat unattended children.
That aura of invincibility? That feeling that it’s impossible for the Gators to lose?
See above. We Gator fans suspected it might be a tough year, with the defense stripped and Tebow gone.
Chimera. Mirage.
Can you describe it using another cliche?
Optical illusion.
Excellent.
Media construct.
So it’s all the fault of cheerleading reporter types.
This year, after the opening cakewalks and sure things, we saw the true Gator squad emerge. Three dives in a row,
In my sportswriter handbook (no actual volume exists), dives = losing on purpose.
with the inspired Georgia crew to face here in a few days at the World’s Largest Cocktail party.
It’s the World’s Largest Outdoor Cocktail Party, goddammit. Do some research, even if it’s just talking to another alcoholic sportswriter from around here..
They could easily come out  of the Georgia game 4-4, and be scrambling for bowl eligibility. Desperate times.
Hence desperate measures.
I’m excited. I can see around the corner.
The smart money says Chris “Time To Die” Rainey, now back with the team on probationary status, will be playing with the Gator offense when the team takes the field in Jacksonville. Why not? Urban Meyer’s Gators have long since ceded the high ground to hillbillies and stoners.
I knew A.G. would go for the Time To Die line, I’m just surprised it took so long. But I’m baffled by the reference to hillbillies and stoners. What the fuck does that mean?
In the Time To Die era, it stands to reason: Unless someone is actively serving a felony rap, he’s going to be on the field,
I don’t know enough (and neither does AG) to defend or vilify Rainey, but he was suspended for 5 games before the authorities passed definitive judgment
cheered on by a phalanx of pudgy-armed, pale-faced alumni and their co-ed sons and daughters.
Perhaps A.G. longs for the days before men and women were allowed to mix on campus. And what grouping of alumni, anywhere, doesn’t include the pudgy-armed and pale- faced?
Time to die? Why ask why?!
You, sir, have gone incoherent. Unless you’re branching out into a crazy-man rap career like Joaquin Phoenix.
Not enough for these fans or that coach who was routinely lionized not so long ago.
Yeah, we kind of liked him for winning two national championships in three years.
Perhaps Urban would have been better off listening to his heart, stepping down and leaving Steve Addazio to be the fall guy for the mess he’s created.
Is ‘listening to his heart’ a subtle Tom Petty reference? Or just a cheap dig at Meyer’s health problems?