Cam Newton would suck if he was a Gator

Gene Frenette may have at some point written a sports column that caused me to say to my friends, ‘Did you see that?’ But I doubt it. Mostly it’s bland generalities you couldn’t possibly object to. Better than the bitter irrelevance of Littlepage. A few weeks ago Frenette weighed in on Cam Newton right as his subject was establishing himself as this year’s Heisman Trophy frontrunner. It was a confused and embarrassing argument. Here’s the tape.
The obvious temptation for anyone with a rooting interest in Florida’s football program is to look at what spread-offense maestro Cam Newton is doing at Auburn and think two words: What if?
Yep. For a few minutes as I watched Newton embarrass LSU, I’d forgotten he was originally a Gator. Then I thought, What if...? Those were good thoughts.
Had Newton remained a Gator, or coach Urban Meyer been more forceful in convincing the 6-foot-6, 250-pound quarterback to not transfer to a junior college when Tim Tebow returned for his senior year, many believe Florida’s offense wouldn’t be in its present lost state.
That’s precisely what Gator fans were thinking as another John Brantley pass fell incomplete at the feet of a receiver turning the wrong way.
It’s reasonable to think the Gators would be more potent with a dynamic quarterback like Newton running the show.
Yes, rather than the clusterfuck they’ve run out there this year.
But who could have envisioned him developing into the ideal dual threat we’re now seeing zoom to the top of so many Heisman Trophy leaderboards?
Nostradamus? A really good scout? The point isn’t that any of us should have been the scout/Nostradamus, it’s that Cam Newton is really fucking good and he used to be a Gator.
Certainly not anyone at Florida during 2008 spring practices.
Fair enough. Newton was probably an unimpressively raw but promising athlete at the time, but there’s probably lots of those at any given practice at a football mill like UF.
Nobody was touting Newton as a future star after watching him struggle to complete the most basic of passes.
He was a raw prospect with wildcat-type skills, but Meyer and the coaching staff were much more sold at the time on John Brantley as heir to the Tebow throne.
True. Wrong, as it turned out, but that was the considered decision of the staff that coached two national champions in three years.
So UF fans now bemoaning the fact Newton is working wonders for a different orange-and-blue are merely engaging in revisionist history.
Um, no. Gator fans (and everyone else) are watching a QB who might be even more effective than Tebow and are understandably wondering how much better the UF offense would be with such a talent.
They’re forgetting there wasn’t any collective regret when he bolted Gainesville for Blinn (Texas) Junior College, where Newton won a national title.
Because they were stoked that Tebow was coming back. Please tell me you’re not going to argue Gator fans should have been bummed at the return of Tebow because it would displace the unknown Cam Newton.
The only thing Gator nation felt was relief that Tebow decided to stay one more year. Newton was an afterthought, dismissed by the perception that Meyer would make Brantley every bit as effective as Chris Leak during the ’06 championship year.
Yes. At this point I think Gene will go his usual bland-and-obvious route, rather than the crazy-pants theory he hinted at earlier. Let’s see.
For lots of reasons — from an overrated offensive line, to lack of real playmakers beyond the injured Jeff Demps, to the Gators’ defense regressing against elite SEC opposition, to offensive coordinator Steve Addazio possibly being spread too thin while serving as line coach — it’s not working. Brantley has never looked comfortable running Meyer’s spread offense for any more than an occasional series.
(All Gator fans are nodding their heads sadly).
The question is: Would Newton making everything better?
Sic, goddammit. Are there copy editors at the T-U? And to answer your dumb-ass question, yes. I really hope you don’t argue otherwise.
The easy answer is yes, especially after watching the way he ran over and around LSU’s defense Saturday in a 24-17 victory.
OK, good.
As a runner, Newton is a bigger, faster Tebow. Watching Newton run for 217 yards against the SEC’s top defense, the natural inclination is to think Florida’s offense would be instantly fixed had he stayed with the Gators.
Yes. Go with that.
It’s a hypothetical dead end.
Wha?
Newton is great with Auburn’s surrounding cast, but it’s a bit of a leap to think he’d still be college football’s shining light in a Gators uniform. Being a perfect fit in Gus Malzahn’s spread attack at Auburn doesn’t mean Newton would make the Gators an unstoppable machine.
I doubt Malzahn’s spread is radically different than UF’s. Newton might not be as good with UF’s cast, especially since they look inferior Auburn’s, but weren’t we talking about whether he would be better than Florida’s QBs?
That’s too simplistic a view. UF didn’t shed any tears when Newton left. The Gators had no idea what they’d be missing.
No one did; the dude ended up at a juco. But now Newton is the best player in college football, so it’s reasonable for Gator fans to speculate what might have been. Right, Gene?
They’ll just have to fix this mess while wondering what could have been.
Here, Gene, at the end of your confused spiel, you should have something definite to say, rather than this weak, vacillating sentiment. Something like ‘Cam Newton is worse than Hitler,’ or ‘the Gators would have won another national, title with him.’ Take a stand, bro.

Abel Harding would have buried the lead, but he didn't have one

You might argue, if you’re a prick like me, that T-U Renaissance Man Abel Harding is still getting the hang of this journalism thing. But you’d have to admit that he’s got the beat sweetener down like Charlie Watts with the backbeat. (A beat sweetener is a term I learned recently for a concept I’ve long been familiar with -- a story to make a source look good that doesn’t actually do much for the reader, but ensures continued access for the reporter.) Here’s the evidence.
It's a part-time gig with a starting salary of $44,100 plus benefits. It also used to come with free Jaguars tickets, parking and food.
It’s not Abel’s fault, but the headline has already given away that this job is a City Council seat. But seriously, don’t write leads like this where you think you’re holding the reader in suspense, because some fuckwit headline writer will give the game away before the reader starts your story.
All were among the perks afforded to some Jacksonville City Council members over the last several years. And although those particular pluses fell victim to budget cuts this year, some members have made do with other gifts.
Do tell.
You can learn a lot about council members by reviewing their gift disclosures, which they are required to file quarterly on anything received with a value greater than $100.
You have effectively set me, the reader, up for a juicy list of embarrassing gifts Council members have received. Maybe some they haven’t reported.
Clay Yarborough hasn't come by his frugal reputation solely through his insistence on city budget cuts - he's also lived it. Since taking office in 2007, he's reported one gift - 12-day passes to the Greater Jacksonville Fair in 2007 valued at $384. And according to the disclosure, he didn't even use the tickets.
Shocking. This is the opposite of news. The boy Puritan of the Council who consistently votes against what he views as unnecessary spending doesn’t take a lot of freebies? Next you’ll tell me Littlepage has a bit of a problem with Rick Scott.
Reggie Brown has also garnered a prudent reputation.
Great, more tales of prudent public servants.
Since Brown won a November 2008 special election to fill the seat of Mia Jones, he's only reported $369 in gifts - only two of which are valued at more than $100.
At the opposite end of the spectrum is Johnny Gaffney.
This holds some dim promise, but if there’s anything here it should have been in the lead.
A wide receiver alongside Cris Collinsworth for the Florida Gators in 1980, Gaffney has quite enjoyed access to sporting events, reporting 12 gifts related to local football and basketball games. Since August 2007, he's reported $7,553 in gifts, almost all of which were sports-related and all but two of which were courtesy of the city.
Sweet Jebus, you mean Gaffney has taken an average of $2,500 a year in freebies? And reported them? He’d never make it in a town like Chicago, where you get run out of office if you don’t sell off an occasional Senate seat or get a few thousand dead Minnesotans to vote for you. Also, which were the ones that weren’t through the city? Might be of interest.
Some lawmakers show meticulous attention to detail, like Brown and Bill Bishop. They choose to report all gifts, regardless of whether they exceed the $100 threshold.
Again, not news, Abel. When you were a child did you kill off a news-savvy sibling named Cain?
And some pass their perks along, like Ray Holt. He reported Jacksonville Suns tickets valued at $1,200, but the tickets weren't exactly for his own use - all went to Boy Scout Troop 278.
Thirteen council members are eligible to run for re-election in 2011, and 12 have filed to do so. Those who win re-election are one step closer to qualifying to be part of a huge perk: the state's pension program.
The Ray Holt thing = not news.
Whither, Democrats?
How bout ‘Wither Democrats?’
After the Nov. 2 election results, some political observers have labeled Florida Democrats as "virtually irrelevant."
You don’t need the ‘as’ in that last sentence. But let’s move on. If you’re about to argue Dems have some political relevance, you should look at the numbers.
Despite myriad scandals that have plagued Republicans in the state - including the arrest of the party's former chairman, the arrest and ouster of the House speaker and a new ethical investigation into the incoming Senate president - Democrats lost ground, with no representation on the Florida Cabinet and with Republicans in firmer control of both legislative chambers.
And why did they lose ground, despite the GOP scandals?
"That's the big story," said Matthew Corrigan, director of the University of North Florida's political science department. "Just how conservative the Legislature is."
Corrigan said U.S. Sen. Bill Nelson seems to be one of the few Democrats who know how to run statewide, but the party needs to turn a focus toward Tallahassee.
"At some point, you've got to pay attention to the Legislature," he said. "The Democratic Party needs a state legislative project."
Be less mindlessly liberal -- might that work?

Ron's readers are checking out of God's Waiting Room

These are dark days for T-U columnist Ron Littlepage. The newspaper business stumbles along, increasingly irrelevant to those damn kids while Ron’s readers are checking out of God’s Waiting Room; it’s November and this whole grow-facial-hair-to-support-prostate-cancer-research is making Ron even less distinctive; and Rick Scott defeated Alex Sink in the Florida governor’s race. Knowing of Ron’s consuming hatred of Scott, let’s go to the hieroglyph to see what his reaction is.  
In case there was any doubt, there can be no question now that Florida is a state divided.
(In my McLaughlin Group voice:) “Ron Littlepage, wrong!” Unless your standard is that all Republicans have to win their elections in the state with something like 70 percent of the vote, you’re fucking daft. The GOP has control of all the levers of state government, just elected a conservative senator, and Democrat senator Bill Nelson, up for re-election in two years, has to be looking over one of his stooped shoulders. But go ahead.
Marco Rubio claims his was a big victory in the U.S. Senate race, but the numbers don't back that up.
He received 49 percent of the vote, which means more Floridians voted against him than voted for him.
Sounds plausible until you consider it was a three-way race. If you’re going to argue the Democrats were a factor, you should point out that Kendrick Meek got like seven votes outside of South Florida..
The same can be said for Rick Scott, who also was the choice of only 49 percent of those voting.
Neither goes into office with an overwhelming mandate, despite Scott's assertion that in his win voters sent a message that was "loud and clear."
Christ. Scott was a sort of ultra-Tea Party candidate, having defeated an establishment Republican in the primary with a stark ‘less government’ message. If that establishment GOPer, Bill McCollum, had been nominated, he would have crushed Sink. Right, Ron? Ron? But having made a weak argument-by-assertion, he’s off to other issues.
One of the decisions by the state's voters on Tuesday is going to be costly for Jacksonville and the rest of the state.
Only 55.4 percent of the voters supported Amendment 8 when 60 percent was needed for passage.
That amendment would have given school districts more flexibility in implementing the strict class-size limits put in place by a constitutional amendment voters approved in 2002.
Dammit. I actually agree with Ron here. Could it be the wispy Fu Manchu I’ve started this month is making me empathize with him?
The beginning of this school year was when those restrictions were to go into full effect: K through third, 18 students; fourth through eighth, 22; and ninth through 12th, 25.
Florida TaxWatch has said that phasing in the class-size limits has already cost the state $15 billion.
It estimates that the cost of meeting the strict standards over the next 10 years will be more than $40 billion.
Yawn. Get to the point, man.
Amendment 8 would have allowed school districts to use school averages instead of each class fitting within the strict limits.
I knew you could do it.
But enough voters said no Tuesday that it didn't pass, most likely because many feel the Legislature has failed to adequately fund public schools.
What? Now you’re just projecting, Ron. Where’s your evidence people think not enough money is being spent on public schools? Other than your reflexively liberal urge to throw money at problems?
In Duval County, the school district will have to scramble to find $25 million or face penalties. And the costs of finding more teachers and more classroom space will go up in the years ahead.
Get ready for an abrupt change of topic.
Voters in Jacksonville turned down the local charter referendum that was on the ballot.
It would have moved the city elections from the spring to the fall in the off year beginning in 2015.
The idea was to have a new mayor and new City Council members take office in January instead of July as they do now.
That would give them more time to work on the city budget their first year in office. Currently, the new mayor has to present the budget to the council shortly after being sworn in, and the council has to pass it by the end of September.
I thought the move was a good idea, but obviously the voters didn't.
My guess is that some of the negativity came because of the line in the referendum saying there would be minor costs involved in moving the elections.
My guess is illiterate gnomes cast phantom ballots, thwarting the will of the people. The difference is my job doesn’t require me to do something more than print my guesses.
That was true - about $47,000 every four years - and folks aren't happy about any increased costs these days.
Speaking of money,
Here’s another jarring switch of topic. Have you heard the term ‘segue,’ Ron? I know it looks funny and you sound like a gutless Frenchman when you pronounce it, but it’s a useful concept.
billionaire Meg Whitman spent $140 million of her fortune in her failed attempt to be governor of California.
In Connecticut, wrestling mogul Linda McMahon dropped $50 million of her own money in losing her U.S. Senate bid to Richard Blumenthal.
Uh-oh. Ron’s bilious rage is going to culminate in a devastating strike at Rick Scott and how much money he spent. I’m sure he’ll tell us how much Scott spent and compare it to Sink. Aren’t you?
"Connecticut today had an election, not an auction," Blumenthal said in his victory speech.
The same can't be said about Florida.
Because.... Never mind.

This guy really hates the Gators

Sports is one of the few arenas in which outright, irrational hatred is acceptable. Like all righteous people, I fucking hate the New York Yankees. But it would not be a good idea for a New York publication to hire me (if they could pry me out of the basement) to rant repetitively about the Yankees. Yet Folio Weekly allows A.G Gancarski  to vent his contempt for the Florida Gators football team on a regular basis, to a market that has more Gator fans than any other place on the planet. His latest rant came before the Florida-Georgia game but after UF lost three straight, which made him happier than me seeing Littlepage’s Jimmy Ray Bob column. Except A.G. can’t get anything entertaining or even coherent out of it. It’s not online, and I’m sure as hell not typing it all, so you’ll have to trust that I’m treating A.G. fairly. You do trust me, right? Excellent.

There is a cyclical nature to athletic endeavor.
A sort of philosophical start. Above it all. Curious about the arguments for the cyclical bit, but OK.
The hottest kicker or three-point shooter knows that his luck will swing treacherously, reverse and ultimately consume him and the hubris he couldn’t help but develop.
Hold on. This is your best example of an athlete at the mercy of luck? NFL kickers make something like 85 percent of their field goal attempts, and shooters are far less prone to bad hops or botched calls than golfers or pitchers. But you’re the sports expert -- continue.
Luck comes and goes, and the tragedy of being in the arena -- athletic, political or otherwise -- is that we rarely get to leave the table on our own terms.
It’s tragic being in the arena? My time in the athletic arena was exhiliarating. Ended too soon, but it was fun. Later there’s a bit about how Gator coach Urban Meyer should have left on top rather than preside “during a certain decline.” I’m going to assume this means AntiGator Gancarski is predicting UF will fall into a Zook-like lost period starting now.
Every loss opens new and terrible questions for those frontruners who thought UF was immune to having losing streaks against mundane teams.
There are lots of irrational Gator fans, but the rational ones knew this year was iffy. The SEC is a snakepit, kind of like the columnists’ room at Folio. I hear Hal Crowther will eat unattended children.
That aura of invincibility? That feeling that it’s impossible for the Gators to lose?
See above. We Gator fans suspected it might be a tough year, with the defense stripped and Tebow gone.
Chimera. Mirage.
Can you describe it using another cliche?
Optical illusion.
Excellent.
Media construct.
So it’s all the fault of cheerleading reporter types.
This year, after the opening cakewalks and sure things, we saw the true Gator squad emerge. Three dives in a row,
In my sportswriter handbook (no actual volume exists), dives = losing on purpose.
with the inspired Georgia crew to face here in a few days at the World’s Largest Cocktail party.
It’s the World’s Largest Outdoor Cocktail Party, goddammit. Do some research, even if it’s just talking to another alcoholic sportswriter from around here..
They could easily come out  of the Georgia game 4-4, and be scrambling for bowl eligibility. Desperate times.
Hence desperate measures.
I’m excited. I can see around the corner.
The smart money says Chris “Time To Die” Rainey, now back with the team on probationary status, will be playing with the Gator offense when the team takes the field in Jacksonville. Why not? Urban Meyer’s Gators have long since ceded the high ground to hillbillies and stoners.
I knew A.G. would go for the Time To Die line, I’m just surprised it took so long. But I’m baffled by the reference to hillbillies and stoners. What the fuck does that mean?
In the Time To Die era, it stands to reason: Unless someone is actively serving a felony rap, he’s going to be on the field,
I don’t know enough (and neither does AG) to defend or vilify Rainey, but he was suspended for 5 games before the authorities passed definitive judgment
cheered on by a phalanx of pudgy-armed, pale-faced alumni and their co-ed sons and daughters.
Perhaps A.G. longs for the days before men and women were allowed to mix on campus. And what grouping of alumni, anywhere, doesn’t include the pudgy-armed and pale- faced?
Time to die? Why ask why?!
You, sir, have gone incoherent. Unless you’re branching out into a crazy-man rap career like Joaquin Phoenix.
Not enough for these fans or that coach who was routinely lionized not so long ago.
Yeah, we kind of liked him for winning two national championships in three years.
Perhaps Urban would have been better off listening to his heart, stepping down and leaving Steve Addazio to be the fall guy for the mess he’s created.
Is ‘listening to his heart’ a subtle Tom Petty reference? Or just a cheap dig at Meyer’s health problems?